The Fourth Degree of Love
Regrets.
We all have them.
I should have bought this when it was on special.
I shouldn’t have spoken to my child that way.
I should have made a better choice of…anything.
I could have had a V-8!
Regrets are the subject of today’s fast on my Lenten journey (started a little late because the book just got here) with Alicia Britt Chole in her very thoughtful (so far) book 40 Days of Decrease. She references Bernard of Clairvaux, the French monk who penned the words of the hymns “Jesus, the Very Thought of Thee” and “O Sacred Head Now Wounded.” His little book, On the Love of God, speaks of “four degrees of love:” love of self for self’s sake, love of God for self’s sake, love of God for God’s sake, and love of self for God’s sake.
The first three are pretty straight forward: looking out for #1, pursuing God for how it makes me feel or what I can get out of it, honoring Him for the sake of His reputation, but that fourth one had me stumped. How could that be a thing? Isn’t it contradictory?
Let’s start by defining love: doing good for the one loved, usually involves laying down one’s life (or expectations, at least). How can I do good for myself for God’s sake? Is that even a thing? I was puzzled until The Spirit led me to understand that to receive what God says about me and give thanks for it rather than argue with Him about it IS to love self for His sake. It gives Him the highest value when I allow His word to be the final one!
When we sin, we can beat ourselves up about it, form a 3-step action plan to avoid doing it, grovel and be miserable as the miserable sinners we are. Or we can take Him at His word, agree with Him about it, accept that this agreement with God results in us being washed clean of it and Him putting it deliberately out of His mind. (See 1 John 1:9 and Jeremiah 31:34)
So, no beating myself up about something I did wrong, because Jesus says His blood is enough, my sins are covered.
Hindsight through the lens of God’s grace shows me many helpful and instructive things, and turns my heart toward God. Regret sees those same things through the lens of shame and tells me many things God does not say. resulting in the mire of self-focus. Jesus has already taken our shame!
So, no beating myself up for yesterday’s failures, just bringing them to God for His assessment and accepting what He says — therefore loving myself! No more self-martyrdom, just laying down my own self-assessment and taking up God’s. No more self-judgment, but bringing all to God for examination and determination. No more arguing with God about what He has already said…about me or anyone else.
It did not occur to me until today that holding on to guilt and regret when Jesus says, “I am making everything new,” is not loving Him! If I hold to regret, I am denying the truth of God’s promise to work all things for good.
Confess. Give thanks. Rejoice. Move on.
Still following Jesus every day in the everyday,
Christi
P.S. I would love to hear about your Lenten journey.
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