Stretching Out My Hand

Published by christi on January 27, 2022January 27, 2022

Seeking for the source of the withered places in my heart, I had a “chance” conversation with someone who is getting therapy for trauma. I asked what the trauma was, and the answer sent me diving into research about trauma. Here’s what I found from UNYTE-ILs. It can include ANY event involving “loss of control, betrayal, abuse of power, helplessness, pain, confusion, and/or loss.” And the responses, a.k.a. symptoms, include:  “sadness, anger, shame” leading to “difficulty with relationships, emotional outbursts, depression, [substance] abuse, feelings of being isolated and not being able to complete daily tasks.”

Sounds withering to me.

We have recently suffered the sudden death of a dear brother in Christ, and while commiserating with someone who feels his loss keenly, I remembered a time when I went to see a spiritual mentor/counselor about a pain in my back. A series of prayer times had revealed that it was emotionally and spiritually rooted rather than physiological.

It turned out that it stemmed from unresolved grief for the death of a sibling. I had apparently made the decision that I had to be my own comforter; as a two-year-old, that was pretty small comfort. This resulted in me only allowing myself to experience as much grief as I could comfort.

A withering wound, indeed. No one’s heart can remain alive and undamaged in that state. But it’s been this way so long…I don’t know what I would do with two good hands…mustn’t disturb the routine. There’s work to be done. (But what would it be like to have a heart that functioned fully, unimpaired?)

What is it that keeps me from allowing Jesus to comfort me? Here are some lies I have uncovered, no credit to me. (Truth is in parentheses.)

-My pain isn’t as bad as others.  (There is no pain-ranking system. No Richter scale for pain.)

-I’ve done okay so far. (Uncomforted pain has resulted in hurting others. It makes us self-focused.)

-It’s not (that) important. There’s work to be done. (This IS the work Jesus has come to do.)

One big problem with those three lies is that minimizing and denying the pain reinforces the lack of significance that the trauma produced.

Funny thing is…I have said the very same TRUE things (in parentheses) to others in their pain.  God is so good that He can communicate His love and truth THROUGH us even when we haven’t allowed it to come TO us.

And since this conversation with Him, I find my heart more easily stirred to tears over another’s pain. Perhaps the life is being restored to my withered heart as I stretch it out…

Following Jesus every day in the everyday,

Christi

P.S. More to come on this journey.