Not Neat and Tidy

Published by christi on July 14, 2022

Not neat and tidy.

Nope.

This following-Jesus stuff is messy!

Questions come up that don’t have any neat solutions. Or even straight-forward ones. Conflicts arise for which there is no resolution. Depression hits and won’t let up. Disease and death still affect and afflict us, cheating and robbing us of joy. Even the best, most godly relationships are between fallen, not-yet-completely-restored people. Age takes its toll where you least expect it, or where you are least prepared for it.

God and I have been having some difficult conversations this week. You gotta know that if it’s a “who’s right” situation, it’s always him. But that doesn’t make things any easier. Surrender is still hard, even when you know you’re wrong, or at least gonna lose…

Actually, some of the times when there were supposed to be conversations, there was just uncomfortable silence. (I don’t suppose you ever have such times…) I would crack open my Bible and flop open my journal, and sit and stare at the page…get side-tracked into the archaeological articles, or even get lost in the weeds of a word study, when what I needed to do was be honest and yell at Him…or scribble at Him.

And…about that surrender, He’d rather not have a grudging acquiescence. He’s after our hearts…my heart and the hearts of those I love. He wants us real, and close, even if we are angry with Him and His choices. He never wants to be house-mates that are civil, but not warm. He would rather have the fire-works of conflict and then real reconciliation.

So, we kind of had it out this morning, Of course, I did all the yelling. And all the crying. And all the but-but-but-ing. And He waited until I was done, and then quietly (not the teeth-gritted, anger-barely-restrained quiet) reminded me that just because I could not see what He was doing, did not mean He was NOT working to do the very things I was insisting He do. He reminded me of what I had actually said, and challenged me to believe my own words — words that were an echo of His own:  We can only be who He has designed us to be when we depend fully on Him.

…no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless.                                    (aka:  covered by the blood of Jesus)  Psalm 84:11

Though it’s messy and uncomfortable, I’m still

Following Jesus every day in the everyday,

Christi