Forgiven!
All I said was one word. Her name. All the syllables of it. Sharply.
She crumpled into tears.
I had no good reason to speak so sharply. What she had done was not rebellious or unkind, not intended to offend. It was just an error…a mistake. What boiled over and out of my mouth was unreasonable. It was I who sinned against her.
I had been collecting helpless, overworked, overwhelmed, looking-to-my-own-strength thoughts and making them the object of my gaze instead of surrendering my will to God. The tightly packed pieces of my day had begun to look more like a game of fifty-two pickup than a neatly stacked deck of cards.
But, it was not until I saw the wound my word caused that I began to examine my thoughts and to see them for what they were. My own upbringing taught me that it was normal and acceptable to speak sharply in anger and not take responsibility for it or the wounds it caused, but as I have grown in truth-that-sets-free, I am able to recognize it for what it is, to apologize for it and get to the stuff that drives it.
She forgave me. Now I had my guilt to deal with.
2 Corinthians 5 tells me that because of what God has done, “reconciling the world to himself in Christ,” God no longer counts men’s sins against them! Then why do I feel so guilty, long after others (including God) have forgiven me?
Is it because I believe I must somehow earn or pay for forgiveness before I can let my guilt go? The truth is: Jesus has done all the paying that is needed and in the only currency acceptable: the blood of a spotless sacrifice. To insist on paying for myself is arrogantly trying to pay God off in counterfeit bills.
All there is for me to do is to humbly receive what has been so graciously done for me. Walking in that grace is transforming, and will transform, how I walk with others!
Please feel free to comment. I would love to dialogue with you about guilt and grace.
There will be an additional post tomorrow as Dishwater Disciple releases the long-awaited Frugal Cooking Guide! It would make a great Christmas gift!
Be sure to check back on December 1 for this month’s song! Remember: you can listen for free and download it for only a buck!
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