Dealing with Depression

Published by christi on July 4, 2019July 4, 2019

I heard Jesus inviting me to come away one Saturday morning not long ago, or I would have remained in bed despite the urging of my alarm. (Exhaustion seems to be the theme of my life lately.) Yet there I was. I was not alone. I had anxiety, fear, burdens, inadequacy, bewilderment, grief, abandonment, isolation, disconnectedness and guilt as my companions. (Yeah. It was a regular party on the patio.) The fear and anxiety were uncharacteristic; most of the rest are often present, but not usually obnoxious. They are my “beach balls.” I expend much of my energy trying to keep them from from drowning me by keeping them submerged. When  one pops up, I will truly feel it, but only momentarily, then I push it back underneath because life must be lived, dishes done, yada yada. So there they stayed…for more than two months.

If I don’t take the time to feel those feelings, to honestly admit them into consciousness and give myself time and permission to express them, I succumb to depression…which I have done just recently.

It has taken semi- public confession, self-examination under the light of the Holy Spirit, the faithful probing of prayerful friends, and the tender offer of hands held and tissues while I wept and sobbed, visited places in my memory, expressed my anger, my fear, and the things I believed because of the event I was remembering, to break through the dark fog.

The sluice gates of my dammed-up grief have been opened. There is still much to grieve, more tears to shed, more agreements-with-lies to break, but I have experienced now that Jesus is ready to hold me while I cry, not rushing me to “get it over with.” There is no sense that He has more important things to attend to than a small child’s sadness and pain.

He welcomes my tears, because they are a sign of trust…      and they are like His.

Christi

P.S. If you are experiencing depression, don’t let your heart go untended. Give yourself permission to feel the feelings. Talk to someone who will listen and encourage you to feel, and will tell you the truth. Cry on Jesus’ shoulder; get meds if you need meds.  Go for a walk, a swim or to the gym.  Feed yourself wholesome food. Go tend a garden, or a flower pot. Get some sunshine.

Ignoring it will NOT make it go away! Jesus says the truth will set you free!